Should I wear a skirt to please my boyfriend?

[jinjin]

I read Jenny-Wales post and agree with her concerns. Although it is nice to do things to make your boyfriend happy, you seem to be becoming more and more dependant on him. It is possible that he is a manipulative person who wants to control the way you live. As you stated, you do not want this. I suggest you do whatever is necessary to find out how much freedom of choice you will have with him. If you have not done so then I think you should test him by taking part in activities (i.e. bicycle racing, motocross racing, home improvement, trail riding, horseball, polo) where pants should be worn for safety and see how he reacts.

[Guest]

Hi Tommy,

Wearing a dress or skirt seems to emphasise man / woman distinctions if that makes any sense. He is now very much in charge and I guess I do feel more feminine. I still wouldn’t wear a skirt from choice but it’s hardly the end of the world and if it improves our relationship it’s a price I’m willing to pay.[/quote]

Have also read the many comments on this thread. It is one thing wearing the odd skirt or dress for your boyfriend from time to time but this goes a lot further.

You said a few times that "He is very much in charge". If you want the housewife role with the manly man then it looks like this is what your relationship will turn in it. If it just the clothes side and you can put up with it then okay but what if he takes control in other ways. Some blokes choose what you eat in a restaurant, telll you to wear you hair tied back or loose, tell you to change if they don't like what you have got on. Would you be A okay with all this? As for the sex side, whilst not discussed here and I don't won't to go into detail, men like this can be demanding sexual. Remember do what you want and what you are happy with.

[shrimper]

If you're asking that means you don't want to. That being the case, don't do it.

[Mixed_up_Miss]

The tights are just ordinary supermarket tights that I bought myself. I couldn’t go bare-legged in autumn / winter weather anyway. If he expects me to wear tights right through the summer that might be different – what do you do in a real heat-wave, tights must get SO uncomfortable?

Hi there. I agree if you wearing a skirt or dress you need to wear hoisery. In the summer I usually wear bare cooling tights or hold-ups. If it is really hot then my husband wouldn't expect to wear any hosiery but this summer that hasn't been the case!

Getting me into a dress and stockings has had a big impact on both of us. I guess it proves that he’s in charge and that I’ve accepted this. I don’t see myself as a ‘submissive little woman’ so this change in our relationship will take some getting used to. And where that man can now get his hands…

So do you think that by giving in to your boyfriend has improved your relationship? This is a strange question but do you feel more submissive? I felt that once my husband got me to ditch the trousers he seemed to take charge. And I agree it lets their hands have easier access....

I think it would be a very bad idea for him to see me in trousers again and I’m certainly not going to risk it any time soon.

So what do you think he would say if you reverted back to trousers or is just he happy that you will wear a skirt when you go out with him? Has he actually told you not to wear trousers again?

He’s suggested I wear skirt suits to work and says he’ll buy me some. I’m not looking forward to it – most of the girls in the office wear trousers. But clearly I will have to be wearing a skirt when he takes me to lunch or collects me straight from the office.

How would feel about wearing a skirt suit to work? I personally would find this a bit too much wear a skirt suit every day, especially if I had to wear stockings and a girdle. Has he said you can wear trousers on some days to work and is he insisting you wear stockings to work or tights?


High heals would never be my footwear of choice but I don’t think that flats go well with skirts and dresses except maybe in the home.

Don't heels hurt after a few hours? I only wear them when we go out for a meal or something. Your right, heels and skirt and very restrictive.

Well, I DON’T LIKE SKIRTS but maybe I have to surrender on this issue to “win the war”. I have a Masters degree and I used to have big career plans, but I’m just a lousy temp secretary and being realistic by far my best option is to find a man and become a housewife. I know it sounds all wrong from a women’s rights point of view but he is the man of my choice and I’ve reluctantly decided I’ll wear a skirt 24x7 if that what it takes to get him!

Wow, you have got a masters. So what changed your mind from going for a career to becoming a housewife? Looking after a house and family I think can be very appealing and rewarding. I don't have a degree, I worked in retail until I got married so becoming a housewife for me was a great escape from a job I hated!!

Do you think if you got married you would end up wearing a skirt 24/7 or would you wear trousers as well?

I don’t think I ever asked – do you have to wear skirts or dresses ALL the time or do you get to wear trousers when you’re on your own in the house?

I do wear skirts every day. I do go to a gym twice a week so obviosuly don't wear a skirt then and if I doing some cleaning or something it is a lot easier to wear some jeans, but apart from that I can be found in a skirt. It did take me a long time to get use to dressing this way and even now I find them annoying, but as I said before its the hoisery side that annoys me more. BUT... he loves me wearing them and so I wear them with tights or stockings because that what he likes. It is a compromise as I am sure I wouldn't wear them if I was single. Sometimes he likes me to wear a particular skirt or dress and we go shopping together and he chooses new outfits. Luckily he has great taste and would never make me wear anything trashy.

If you now have a selection of skirts and dresses and hosiery does your boyfriend tend to choose an outfit for you or just ask you to wear a skirt or dress?

I had a look at all the dresses and skirts he got you. They all look lovely, apart from the frilly cocktail dress. I wouldn't like to wear that. Have you worn the lilly frill skirt yet?

Well thats all from me, .Hope you had a nice weekend.

Hi,
Thanks for this. I'm rushing to get the train to my parents place. Staying for a week and I'll reply properly on my return if thats OK.
Missing by boyfriend like crazy already but its a good thing he can't see me back in my jeans, trainers and one of my sloppiest old T-shirts!!
Have a nice week and speak soon.

PS so pleased your husband is reasonable - good that there are SOME time when jeans or bare legs are OK!

Hi, it’s LOVELY to be back with my boyfriend – not so thrilled to be back in a stupid DRESS! Mum and I did go out shopping last week and we bought a couple of simple A-line skirts for everyday wear in the home.

So do you think that by giving in to your boyfriend has improved your relationship? This is a strange question but do you feel more submissive? I felt that once my husband got me to ditch the trousers he seemed to take charge. And I agree it lets their hands have easier access....

It seems to make us more unequal. He has become more masculine and assertive and I have to admit that I do feel more feminine. I dislike the ‘S-word’ but I guess I have started to defer to him more, to respect him more.

So what do you think he would say if you reverted back to trousers or is just he happy that you will wear a skirt when you go out with him? Has he actually told you not to wear trousers again?

He is pressing me very hard to stop wearing trousers altogether. I’m currently telling him I don’t have enough dresses and skirts to make this practical, but he says he will rectify this in the next week or 2.

How would feel about wearing a skirt suit to work? I personally would find this a bit too much wear a skirt suit every day, especially if I had to wear stockings and a girdle. Has he said you can wear trousers on some days to work and is he insisting you wear stockings to work or tights?

Suits are unnecessarily formal but I guess I do need some tailored skirt outfits. He plainly doesn’t like me going bar-legged but provided I give up trousers I doubt he’ll be too concerned whether I wear tights or stockings under my skirt.

Wow, you have got a masters. So what changed your mind from going for a career to becoming a housewife? Looking after a house and family I think can be very appealing and rewarding. I don't have a degree, I worked in retail until I got married so becoming a housewife for me was a great escape from a job I hated!!

All I’ve had is a miserable series of low-paid temp jobs. I started out with great career ambitions but maybe housework and childcare are a more realistic future. I guess girls are lucky to have that option. I live on my own in a grotty bed-sit – if I had a nice man and a nice house and a nice car, I’d be willing to do the cooking, cleaning and laundry.

Do you think if you got married you would end up wearing a skirt 24/7 or would you wear trousers as well?

He hasn’t actually proposed, but I’m getting the uneasy feelings that he’d never be happy for his wife to wear trousers.

If you now have a selection of skirts and dresses and hosiery does your boyfriend tend to choose an outfit for you or just ask you to wear a skirt or dress?

When he takes me out he’s telling me which dress to wear, at other times it’s up to me. I want to take more of these decisions myself – though I’ll still ask his advice of course.

I had a look at all the dresses and skirts he got you. They all look lovely, apart from the frilly cocktail dress. I wouldn’t like to wear that. Have you worn the lilly frill skirt yet?

I’m going to wear the frilly skirt tomorrow night when we visit my brother and his wife. I guess I’ll have to wear that tiered cocktail frock some day…

[Mixed_up_Miss]

I have read your postings regarding this topic and I am worried that this could be the start of a problematic relationship for you.

You stated you dislike the hassle of a being a "girly girl" with reference to heels, tights, shaving etc and how uncomfortable wearing a skirt or dress makes you feel. You have also made reference to a girdle that he purchased for you and you said you would never been said dead wearing it.

Within a short space of time you went shopping and your boyfriend purchased some dresses and skirts. You did not make it clear if you chose the garments or he did, or you chose them together.

The first thing that worried me was when you boyfriend told you to change into girdle and stockings. From being a person (tomboy) that is used to jeans and t-shirt to wearing a dress and stockings is some major change.

Perhaps I have read too much detail, but did he make you wear a dress and stockings when you returned home?

You go onto to say that on you next date he also told you which dress to wear and you felt vunerable, but also protected and special.

You also mention that money is a bit tight so you in some ways have to rely on him financially.

And you state you will clearly have to wear a skirt and hoisery if he picks you up from work.

So here are a few things to consider.

If you do move in with him and become a housewife for him which I believe you want, you will come financially reliant on him. This will allow him to buy your clothes and choose what you wear. Reading between the lines it appears he will insist you wear a skirt or dress and hoisery at all times. How would you feel about this?

You have mentioned a few times that he is very much in charge. If he is choosing your wardrobe now, later in the relationship he may become more dominant, i.e make a preference over your hair style etc. Whilst many relationships work on the basis on one partner being "in charge" and the other following, would you be happy with this arrangement? You said that you have accepted that he is in charge, but what exactly have you accepted? Does he make all the decisions in your relationship, and if so are you happy with this?

In conclusion I have a friend who has a very similiar arrangement in her marriage. She fully accepts that her husband is the leader of the house or the head of house and her role is to please him. He provides for the family, she is a full time mother. She is a very submissive person and accepts the decisions of her husband, from clothing choice right through to the sexual side of the marriage. I can see your relationship develop into this, and whilst this is not a bad thing and can actually make a marriage work you should enter it wit your eyes open.

Please do consider everything, listen to you head as well as your heart.

Dear Jenny.

Sincere thanks for your kind and thoughtful message. You are quite right that all these isues require very careful consideration.

We discussed the dresses and skirts he bought me but he had the final say. He did tell me to change into one of the dresses as soon as we got home and I could hardly refuse. As far as the girdle is concerned – well it was a gift and I could hardly refuse even to try it on. In fact it is reasonably comfortable and it smoothes me out under a tight dress. The stockings are more comfortable and hygienic than tights I think.

It is quite a change to go straight from jeans and T-shirts to dresses and nylon and it will take some getting used to. But I think previous boyfriends may have dumped me because I’ve been too independent and not girly enough. I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes.

I’ve had a dismal series of temp secretarial jobs, I’ve been a waitress and a sales assistant in a shoe-shop. I always wanted a good career but maybe I’m better suited to a supportive role in the home. Yes I would be a dependent, but I would be making my own contribution - housework and childcare would be my own domain. – I think he would be a strong leader but also a good, generous and reliable provider. He is also kind, funny, honest and protective.

He insists that skirts and dresses are more feminine than trousers and it is becoming clear that if I do move in with him he’ll expect me to wear them all the time. This does bother me but he says I’ll start to enjoy it. He has very strong traditional views on gender roles and relationships and I think getting me into skirts is a means of establishing that he “wears the trousers” and defining what he regards as a proper male / female relationship. This does cause me real concern but I’m encouraged by your friend who is happy as a traditional housewife. I guess it is fine for the man to be the Head of the Family if he truly cares for his wife and she submits to him willingly.

[glidewest]

from the way you are talking it sounds as if the compromise is beginning to sway in his favour

you need to find a middle ground you are both happy with or you will start to feel resentful very quickly, and resentment will destroy a relationship

if you are already feeling that if you move in with him, you'll have to wear dresses all the time, then the alarm bells would be ringing if it were me

I'm now about to make some massive assumptions so feel free to shoot me down in flames.....you say he's a junior partner in a law firm, most peole that get to this position tend to be very single minded and uncompromising, such attitudes will spill over into home life

I would feel that I would want to spend my life with someone who loves me for who I am, not someone who they want me to be

by the way, I'm a bloke so I'm not on a femanist rant here

[Guest]

Should I wear a skirt to please my boyfriend?...
Any advise please!!!

From all what you have written, I think you are more likely to give advice to other. But looking on this poll, you two are not so unusual.

http://www.misterpoll.com/polls/255954

By the way, my wife wears skirts 24/7. I asked her to, and she did.

[Deirdre]

Mixed_up,

Loads of advice here from loads of people - just so long as you are happy, then do what you want - never underestimate the security of a good man, even it means some comprimise. At least if you do as he wishes he is less likley to play away from home.

xx

D

[glidewest]

Mixed_up,
At least if you do as he wishes he is less likley to play away from home.
D

I'm sorry but that's no basis to justify the wants of a partner

I think the magic work is compromise

[another view]

Hi, it’s LOVELY to be back with my boyfriend – not so thrilled to be back in a stupid DRESS! Mum and I did go out shopping last week and we bought a couple of simple A-line skirts for everyday wear in the home.

Hi there. So did you end wearing a skirt when you went to your parents for the week? You boyfriend must be happy! Did you discuss the issues with your mum?

He is pressing me very hard to stop wearing trousers altogether. I’m currently telling him I don’t have enough dresses and skirts to make this practical, but he says he will rectify this in the next week or 2.

So are you planning another shopping trip. I would recommend more skirts than dresses, they are easier to wear and if you are going to be wearing a skirt or dress 24/7 then comfort is paramount.

Suits are unnecessarily formal but I guess I do need some tailored skirt outfits. He plainly doesn’t like me going bar-legged but provided I give up trousers I doubt he’ll be too concerned whether I wear tights or stockings under my skirt.

So are you going to end wearing stockings or tights or hold-ups. Personally I prefer tights, but I know most blokes prefer stockings. Personal preference at then end of the day. I also find stockings too cold in the winter.

All I’ve had is a miserable series of low-paid temp jobs. I started out with great career ambitions but maybe housework and childcare are a more realistic future. I guess girls are lucky to have that option. I live on my own in a grotty bed-sit – if I had a nice man and a nice house and a nice car, I’d be willing to do the cooking, cleaning and laundry.
Do you think if you got married you would end up wearing a skirt 24/7 or would you wear trousers as well?

Being a housewife can be very rewarding, well at least I find it rewarding, especially if your partner appreciates it as well.

He hasn’t actually proposed, but I’m getting the uneasy feelings that he’d never be happy for his wife to wear trousers.

When he takes me out he’s telling me which dress to wear, at other times it’s up to me. I want to take more of these decisions myself – though I’ll still ask his advice of course.

How do you feel about wearing a dress you don't like? Does he make any other suggestions about your appearance, ie hair style, hoisery or is that up to you?

I’m going to wear the frilly skirt tomorrow night when we visit my brother and his wife. I guess I’ll have to wear that tiered cocktail frock some day

Let me know when he gets you to wear the cocktail dress. That really is a dressy dress.

I do admire you from going from a tomboy to a dressy girly girl when really it might not be a first choice. Do let me know about future developments.

[Alf Huckham]

yeah

[Guest]

In short "yes" as long as it is a mutual thing. If he wants you to be more feminine and dress like a lady, he must treat you as such.

It is really no hardship to wear only skirts and dresses (until 40 years ago it was the norm). In time you will find that it feels totally normal and that trousers feel distinctly odd, uncomfortable and 'manish'.

[Guest]

My wife and I have a very traditional traditional relation relationship of the type you appear to be looking for and since we have beeen together I have always made it clear that I prefer women to dress appropriately as "women". The flip side is that I treat her with the greatest of respect and seek to fulfil my side of the bargain.

She wears skirts and dresses exclusively and no longer even owns a pair of jeans. She chooses her own clothes (although I do often buy her presents) and I would not dream of asking her to wear anything she didn't like. I do however insist that her skirts are not too short (not above the knee) and prefer her to wear tights or stockings, rather than being bare legged. She also looks for tops which are not too revealing as we both feel there are things best kept for us to enjoy in private !

From a practical point of view, we live a busy life, have small children and are fairly active and she finds it perfectly practical to find suitable casual skirts for everyday as well as pretty skirts, tops and dresses for evenings out.

In short it can work, but make sure he gives you the respect you deserve !

[Summzie]

Should I wear a skirt to please my boyfriend? Some of my friends say ‘wear a dress what’s the problem’ and the rest say ‘wear what you like what’s the problem’. I’ve never contacted this group before but I'm hoping that someone out there will understand the ******* problem!

My boyfriend wants me to wear a skirt because he says it’s more feminine than trousers. All I have are a couple of beach sarongs and a pair of culottes I hardly wear. Skirts are just too dressy and old-fashioned. They are just not me so what do I do?

I’ve never had much luck with boyfriends before. He is kind and funny and I love the way he treats me like a lady. He’s done lots of things to please me like shave off his beard and watching less football. But haven’t I got the right to wear trousers if that’s what I prefer? Isn’t a man being sexist if he tells a girl to wear a skirt?

I’m a bit of a tomboy and I’ve never taken much interest in my appearance but I don’t think I’m unfeminine. I’ve broken the habits of a lifetime and started doing my boyfriend’s laundry. I’d love to end up as a full-time housewife (marriage and kids).

He’s asked me to wear a skirt several times and teased me a bit about showing off my legs but I’ve treated it as a joke and ignored him even when he’s taken me to some glitzy places. We went to a gorgeous restaurant recently with 3 other couples. I put on more makeup than usual and a frilly blouse but the other girls were all in beautiful cocktail dresses and I did feel a bit embarrassed and, well, envious. He didn’t say anything but I’m sure he was disappointed. I just feel awkward about wearing dresses or skirts although he says I’d get used to it and probably start to enjoy it.

Any advise please!!!

Girl, he shaved off his beard for you. It'd take him AGES to grow that back if he didn't like it, but he did it for you.

The least you can do is throw on a skirt or dress every now and again!

Give and take...

[HMVR]

Hi, I had a look at this because the man I have just started seeing has raised the same issue with me. I already wear both trousers and skirts (not at the same time of course!) but last night he said he 'expected' skirts for "aesthetics and access". Maybe my emotional reaction was over-the-top, but ever since I've felt horribly upset, controlled and objectified. He says it is old-fashioned of ME to (his words) "be a prickly feminist" and seems to think that pleasing him in this way is the correct, loving response, regardless of what I want or how it makes me feels, which is subjugated, resentful and deeply uncomfortable. Unlike the lady who put up the original post I have a good, well-paid job and years of independence in every way behind me - but I would like to meet a man and settle down, and this guy is lovely other than this chauvinistic streak. Anyway, I do hope that you find happiness, mixed up miss, and that I do too - ! - one way or another. My gut tells me that this kind of directive is wrong though.