. wrote:Ok this is tough and I know there are MANY other threads like this so I do appologise, but I feel I need to help regarding my exact issue.
Me and my boyfriend have been together nearly 3 years. We're both in our early 20's. We moved in together just over a year ago.
I would have considered our relationship a good one, we went out a lot for meals, had nice evenings in, enjoyed cuddling up. And at the beginning it was very good, he bought me flowers etc.
Now I guess as any relationship goes, it's always harder after a few years to keep the candle lit and the excitement there. I do understand that.
For about the past 2 years we've had problems with our sex life. I would have said that I had a very high sex drive and he had a low one.
I think the last time we had sex was in July of this year (so about 3 months ago), I think this is the longest. In the past year we've on average had it once a month.
Now if I was talking about this 5 or 6 months ago, I would have said 'yes my sex drive is higher definatly', but now it's getting to the stage where I'm not even pushing for it.
Before meeting my boyfriend I would describe my sex life as very active!! More than usual for a female even!
Now I know he uses porn, and this used to be a MASSIVE issue, but now I have got over that and just let him get on with it.
I have spoken to him about this sooo many times, but now he always refuses to talk about the issue. I think thats why I've even given in with bothering about sex.
Now, I recently had a job (not working there anymore) and I become very close with someone, and I would now consider that I am in love with this other man. Nothing has happened between us, and he also has a partner. I haven't told this man how I feel, and probably never will but this I think is making an impact on my relationship.
The other problem is since we've lived together I've noticed parts of him that really make me angry or upset me.
I am overweight and even though I am trying to do something about it, he's always pushing me.... "when did you go to the gym?", "don't have that for dinner!" etc etc. He says its only because he cares, and this is probably the truth but it does hurt my feelings.
Also, I would say that I am a reasonably tidy person, I like things to look nice and to be home proud, but he is SO messy, it winds me up. I feel like I'm always following him around like his mother!
Because of my age, I am starting to feel like maybe I have done all of this commitment too young, and feel I am desperate to have my own space.
I have wrote a list of positive and negative things about him and our relationship, as I thought this may make it clearer in my head. But I have an equal amount of each.
About 6 months ago I had a BIG talk with him, saying I'm now happy. For most of the reasons above, and it broke his heart. I've never seen a man cry like that in my life. Obviously, I decided I wanted to stay with him, but these feelings are back again.
Now because this is a problem page, I've listed all of our problems.... there are good parts of our relationship and I can honestly say I do love him.
What I am scared of is leaving him and always regretting it, as I know i love him. I've never been so deep into a relationship before and I feel I have a lot to loose.
mine has an extremely low sex drive too, to the point it is non-existent, no kissing, nothing. To go from being sexually active to getting nothing at all is damaging to your self-esteem and also it's a control thing. What's the point in being pretty when your boyfriend has no interest whatsoever, but other men do.