My Dad Is Cheating On My Mom, Please Help!

[Guest]

To start, read this thread from start to finish.

[Guest_2]

There are some helpful sites out there that focus on letting your share your experiences with your parent's infidelity. One helpful survey I found was
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=1RQIZuILR3_2f3prJu71z_2bYw_3d_3d

check it out. It might give you a place to talk about this and sort through your thoughts.

[irish33cm]

A year ago when I was 14 my dad dropped me and my brother at my aunts house and then went home and took everything that belonged to him. Me and my brother had no clue. So my mom calls me and is crying saying that dad is gone and is getting papers for a divorce. I was shocked! My little brother who is 11 had no idea what was happening and when he heard he was devistated. So my dad bought an apartment and has been living there ever since. But my parents have still not gotten the divorce and my mother is trying so hard to get him to come home. He says the reason he left is because she was a drunk. I admit my mother has drank to a point where she is tipsy but it was never that bad. My mom tries to get my dad to go to counseling with her, but he refuses to go. So me and my brother are in the middle of it and we try and comfort mom when we can. My mom is an idiot and still lets him come over for dinner and she tries to sit with him, but when I look at him with her, he doesnt act like normal parents should. He never tells her he loves her, and when he talks to her on the phone I can tell its her cause he gets all monotone, unlike when his friends call hes all like "What up!" But now, my mom has caught my dad at local bars with woman 'friends', found a condom in the dryer with his pants, found a recording of my dads friends wife saying 'I love you', and pics. I dont know what to do. I used to try and stand up for my dad and tell people they werent true. But now I'm past the point and no longer have that much respect for my dad. I know he cares somewhat, but not to the point of trying to make things better. What should I do, please somebody help me!

[Guest]

There's nothing you can do Irish. You have to let your mom and dad work this out. Your mom is hurting and sometimes the devastation of an affair can cause the betrayed spouse to do things he or she wouldn't normally do. It's really sad that cheaters don't realize how the affair effects their children. I'm in my 20's now and have lost all respect for my mom who was screwing around on my dad. He died during my mom's affair. I really think there was more than one man, so I think it really sucked for my dad.

Just be there for her and tell her you love her. It will help. It's all you can do. There are other forums on the web to read about this that might help you deal with your feelings.

[laxexquis]

Im am 14 and last summer I found out my dad was cheating on my mom. I starting acting very weird cause of the situation of my mom not knowing and what my dad was doing. He then thought since I was acting weird that I was on drugs (which I was not) and sat down and we had a "talk." It was hard but I actually told him that I knew and then my mom came in it changed the conversation. I did not and still don't want to tell my mom cause if I do she would get a divorce. But the next day my dad was like "I promise I'll end that thing with the girl," it seemed like he did, but a few weeks later I heard him talking in the same way and sure enough I was right he was still doing it. So I concluded that he was still doing it, just tying to be more sneaky about, but not sneaky enough. Then I figured out he put her number and a fake contact name. SO at night I went into his phone and took the number and stored it in my phone under one of my friends fake name (stupid of me). I started pranking it and stuff, and one night my dad was light "I like your phone can I see it and try it out, (his contracts up soon) He was looking at my sent calls and saw some names, so he asked me to get him coffee. THen when I got it back the home number of the girl was missing and I instantly felt like punching my self in the face. Not only did he know that I knew he was stilling cheating, but he knew I prank called his girlfriend and had her number in my cell phone. So then still acting like nothing happen he was like"I really need to get used to that phone can I see it?" I knew exactly what he was doing. WHen I got it back this time the nimbers were switched around and the home number was back, so he changed the numbers so I couldn't call his girlfriend anymore, but he put the home number back hoping I would notice, but I already new and I had the original numbers written down anyway.

But any it was just so arkward and now a day later we are both acting like nothing happen, I dont know what to dooo aghghghghghghg

[Guest]

Your dad is a lying, pig. Tell your mother and then stay out of it. A divorce would be better for your mom than what your father is doing to her, and to you.

[jess08]

Oh my god, I never realise how many people out there have such similar situations happening......and it's such a pity people never come out with the right cure...

Frankly, I have been in the same situation as yours for like almost 8 years now....frankly, my brother, my mum and I are pretty traumatized by it and I do not think this does any good to my dad too besides that he is the reason for all these.....relax.....I think if you have to, just talk to him face-to-face....For me, I didn't do that...I think it is inappropriate for me to deal with my parent's problem....but after all these years, I wish it has stopped by now....since not much scandals are seen....so Don't deal with this all by yourself...I think when the child in the family thinks they don't have the ability to change things, It will not do any psychological good to them.....I wish you all the best...just keep in mind...there are lots of people out here who support you....and your sister...at least, I'm one of them.

[Guest]

I'm 15 and I have a problem like that. I was checking my father text messages once, just for fun, and I found out about few women he is seeing when he goes to a business trip. I got rid off one of her by text messaging her, but my father doesn't know it was me. He things that I have no idea. I feel so sorry for my mom. And it's so hard when he comes from the "business trip" and starts hugging me and my brother and kissing mom ... I feel like pouncing him! I'm afraid that they will split up if I tell mom, and I'm not brave enough to talk to dad :/
I just hope that he will stop, and that I won't have to make that choice ...

[The Colonel]

You should confront him.

If I was your age and I discovered that - there is no way I'd hide it from my mother.

[Guest]

Some couples make it through after infidelity, but the longer it goes on, the harder it will be for your mom. Colonel is right, she should know. What if you confronted your dad and told him if he didn't come clean with your mom himself, you would do it for him. If he knows you know, it might be all he needs to end what he's doing if he realizes he has lost your trust and respect.

[Guest]

Horrible.

[CaliMom]

[Guest]

You should confront him.

If I was your age and I discovered that - there is no way I'd hide it from my mother.

I agree. Thanks Colonel.

[Guest]