how did you get your man to propose

[Guest]

Hi all, new to this site as i was searching on ways to get your man to propose! i really dont want to bully him into it, but i have been waiting years and years! we have talked about it many times before and he always says "when we get married...." but nothing!

2 have my friends have recently got engaged and the jealousy is overwhelming! he isnt frightened by the idea, but the proposal never comes!?

im getting desperate now! we are planning a baby next year to, so its not like we are in a unsteady relationship! we own our house and have a cat and plan our future together all the time. but i would love to get married.

any help from anyone?

[Alexandra]

My husband took seven years to marry me, so I know how you feel.

I think once you have a baby with him, he will naturally feel more committed. The baby will cement your relationship.

Try to make him see it from your point of view. Explain about how women feel terribly rejected if a man does not want to marry them.

Other than that, I really don't know what you could do.

I hope that once his paternal instinct kicks in, he will see things differently.

[Melsie]

I know exactly how you feel.....
So many friends getting married and you can't help but think "when is it our turn??"
You want to be happy for them, you put a wonderful smile on and help all the brides out through showers and wedding plans etc. when all you really want to do is throw yourself on your bed and cry....
I seriously have to take some alone time after showers & weddings so i am not a complete beast to my b/f after....
I even am getting bad AT weddings.. have to keep myself in check and not mad at him while being there....
anywho.. i would love to chat more... or (B*tch more) to someone in the same position to PM if you would like!!!
Melsie

[kittycat]

Hi Melsie, would love to talk but havent got enough posts to be able to PM you! so dont know how we are gonna do this!?

[Melsie]

Kittycat- we can chat on here until we have 25 post.. i t hink i am at like 9!
I went to a wedding this weekend that my bf was in and it was torture... i can honestly say EVERYONE at the wedding asked us when we would be getting engaged and it KILLED me... BRUTAL...
My one friend who is good for telling me like it is reminded me that if i keep getting upset over this and making if obvious to my B/F that the suprise really would be taken out of it.. i just try to keep telling myself this and trying to keep a straight head on my shoulder...
it is so hard when everyone around you is getting engaged... how old are you by the way (me - 25)
At least your b/f is commiting to having a baby with you... that is a huge step.. although i vow to at least have a ring on my finger before i get prego.. i am sure you will too...
Another thing i have been told is that i need to not focus on getting engaged and having a wedding so much b/c after it happens.. you feel let down b/c your focus for so long has been on that, you hardly have anything to look forward too...
anywho.. msg back if you get a sec.. or email me if you would like at melidnabole@hotmail.com...
chat soon and keep smiling... it will happen when we least expect it
Melsie

[kittycat]

tried emailing you but it failed twice so i will just post it on here.

you sound just like me - i am also 25 - i have been with my bloke for 4 years, before that we were friends and i was living with someone else, i left this person to go out with my fella, we have a house and mortgage together and a little kittycat (hense the name) and yes we want a baby too (we re both really broody).

but alas nothing, we have spoken about this many many many times before, last time i walked out of the house (we were both drunk) but it just makes me feel really bad, that he wants all this with me, but not put a ring on my finger - the strange thing is he wears a ring on his wedding finger and he lets people think that he is married/engaged - so i really dont understand.

people have told me that i should just forget about it and so he can make it a surprise, but ive tried that and nothing......ive waited and waited, ive done the moaning at him, ive done the conversations about it, but all nothing. he told me last time that he didnt want to get married, and that hurt! so i dont know what to do now.

the thing is i know that we will be together for ever and all that so why not married? i dont want anything big, just a registry office and a party, i just want to get married to him.

ive found out now that if we are unmarried that he has no rights over the baby, and i dont want that, as if the baby had to have a emergency operation he couldnt sign the consent form! how bad is that.

the only option left is to ask him, but i really really dont want to do that, i want to get engaged, i want to get married, oh i dont know what are we to do?

how long you been together?

[Melsie]

LOL.. kitty.. not the other one.. that is why you couldn't get through.. that is funny...
Dan and i have been together for 3 years, known each other for 5 (both 25 years old)... get along great, i know he is the one for me... HE asked me to move out with him 2 years ago so i didn't think he feared commitment however now i am wondering!?!?!??!!
Anywho.. we had a couple drinks at the wedding we were at last weekend and he ended up saying that his plan was to hopefully have enough money for Sept to buy one... i really hope that really is the plan..
I do have access to his accounts etc. however try not to peek.. i will admit, sometimes the temptation is too much to see if he is saving.. so far i don't think he is so that is frustrating too.... we live in an apartment and my deal is, he buys the ring, i put the downpayment on the house we will buy...
Just frustrated.. i don't want to ruin the suprise.. this is supposed to be the most exciting thing so i don't want to ruin it... i feel i slowly am though. I have no patience for anything in my life but hte funny thing is i am a youth counsellor therefore have SO much patience for hte kids i work with.. it is ironic...
anyway...
try emailing me if you want.. it is good to dish!
Mel

[Melsie]

oh.. and we have 2 kittys too..Astra and Ozzie....

[Miss_Lateralus]

I'm in the same situation. Me and my partner have been together for 4 years. He knows how much I want us to get engaged, yet he still keeps pushing the date. I know he feels the same way but he wants to be traditional and propose with a ring. The reason it is taking so long is because he is trying to save up for a ring.

I can't stop thinking about getting engaged to this man because I am deeply in love with him. Sometimes I wish he would propose without a ring. I just want everyone to see how committed we are to one another.

He tells me it will happen before the end of the year, but I am finding it so hard to wait because I have wanted to get engaged for the past one and a half years. I know you'll probably think well if you've waited so long whats another 6 months... its just really hard and it consumes my thoughts every single day.

[Guest]

I am so glad i am not alone! It is a struggle everyday!

[Sam7]

Hello all
How sad am I, sat here at work typing in "why won't he propose" in google! At least I found your conversation! I am in exactly the same boat and it consumes me everyday. We have been together for 2 years and own a house together and 2 cats. He talks about marriage all of the time and has been hinting for the last year but nothing ever happens! He says he wants kids in about 3 years and says he wants to get married first but does NOTHING! I have tried to point out that it takes years to organise a wedding. All of our friends ask him (in front of me) "so when are you going to get married?". It is soooooo embarassing. He just smiles. I have tried everything from being desperate, not interested, midly interested........ and it gets me nowhere. He takes me away for surprise weekends and still nothing. He basically winds me up! I have become so obsessed with it that I have to say the longer it goes on the more frustrated I become. I know I am ruining it - my friends (who are all married or engaged) tell me to just leave it and let it happen naturally but it is so very hard. I'm ready now so why isn't he?!! I decided to put a cut off date on it - end of this year. He is my one but I just feel stupid hanging around waiting. I'm turning into a complete saddo! I've done the usual - checking bank accounts to see if he is saving (he's not), looking at receipts to see if he has bought the ring. I'm so ashamed but I just can't help myself. Woudl love to here back from any of you as I feel that my friends are all too smug to really understand.

[sarahclw77]

Hi everyone

Wow I'm glad I found you. I did a search on Google to get here - "why does he not want to marry" LOL

EVERYONE around me has been getting married or engaged recently. Just last weekend my boyfriend's best friend got engaged to his girlfriend and a month ago we were at another of his good mate's weddings. We have been together now for 7 years and he is not interested/doesn't see the point of getting married. I don't even want to get married straight away but an engagement would be nice considering how long we have been together.

I am 27 and he is 28 and all he says is that it will be a very long time before he wants to get married if EVER. I said back to him that can't he consider my feelings in this and he told me not to push it. He seems to think its perfectly OK for us to stay as we are and why bother with a piece of paper. He doesn't seem to see my point of view

I don't even feel like going to our friend's engagement party as the jealously is so getting to me. They have been together 5 years and they always kept saying it would be us before them and now look!

I feel like everyone must be questioning what the heck is wrong with us to have not shown the commitment yet.

Ohhh I'm upset!

Sarah

[Sam7]

Hi again,
It is so good to know people are going through the same thing - although obviously I wish none of us were! I think about it everyday and I'm starting to feel pretty low most of the time (although I try to hide it). I am going to be a bridesmaid twice this year to my two best friends. Everyone thought I would be the first to get married but they all beat me to it. I'm not quite sure how I will get through those weddings. The jealousy burns inside of me. I've just felt like crying at the other weddings I have been to this year. At the last one he said to me - don't worry, it will be our turn one day. One day - when is that?!! It is so distressing that I'm wondering whether the only way to feel better is to switch off and make myself go off him - not easy as he is perfect for me in everyway - but the upset is so bad. I feel miserable because of it and he keeps asking me if I have gone off him?! How wrong can he be?! It's a vicious cirlcle cos if he sees me miserable and thinks I don't love him any more he's even less likely to ask me!! He is my best friend and when he asks me what is wrong, I just want to say, you won't marry me!!! That is what is wrong!!! I am 27 and he is 31 - he has been engaged before - about 4 years ago - and he asked her after 9 months! He finished it with her 6 months later as it had all been a horrendus mistake. I know that is probably why he is taking his time with me but why should I suffer because of her? It makes me feel worthless. I also found out that he spent £7000 on her ring. I feel sick. How long do you wait for someone? How long can you go on feeling like this?

[kittycat]

it is so nice to know that im not the only one, like the way you people feel. its horrible isnt it, that they way they go on about 'one day that will be us' - but when!!!! last friday i was at the pub and my boyfriends girlfriend annouces that they will be getting married in june (they have been engaged for a while) and that her 'mummy' is going to pay for everything which means that they dont even have to save which means that they may get married sooner! arrgghhhh - i was soooo jealous, it cut me up inside, i know my man wants to not have a long engagement so wants the money to get married before he asks me - but how is that going to happen!? we dont save (well i do) but its not going to be enough, i dotn want a massive wedding just wanna get married.

when we left the pub last week we were walking home and i just started crying, i couldnt help it, so i told him what the matter was, and he was nice about it, and said things like "it will be soon trust me, i will talk to your dad" and that he wants it to be a surprise, but i told him any time will be a surprise as i dont think he is ever going to ask! what goes through his head? he keeps talking about our furture etc, babies, new houses and even marraige but nothing!

its so frustrating isnt it. everyone keeps talking about weddings and hen nites and bridesmaids etc, and its just cutting me up. im so sad about it.

what are we like? but its something that we feel strongly about.....but i dont know were i go from here, he certainly knows my feelings about it....will just have to wait....again.......

[Sam7]

You sound just the same as me!! We have the house and cats, and mine too keeps going on and on about having babies (he holds my tummy in public places to pretend I'm pregnant) and spending his life with me. I'm annoyed at myself for becoming obsessed because it has spoilt it all now. Like you I have done the crying thing (just couldn't help myself) and he was nice to me too. Afterwards you feel a bit better because then you are sure he knows how you feel but then ANOTHER 3 months passes without anything happening and you get really low again. In a way it is worse that they say it will happen because you get your hopes up. I don't care how he asks, or how/where we get married and just want to know that it is happening!! His friend asked him the other day "what are you waiting for?" and he replied - "I'm not waiting" with a smile on his face. Someone tell me what that means!! That might have pleased me at first but after a year of let downs it just frustrates me. He's actually putting me off it's taking so long. How long will you wait for your boyfriend? My best friend has said that I must not mention anything about it for 6 months now. No hints or crying - nothing. It's only been 2 weeks and I feel totally miserable! By the way how many messages can we post on this? Is there a limit?