i dont want her but dont want anybody else to have

[northernmonkey]

i know the title sounds like i am selfish person but i'd like to think thats not the case. your thoughts/advice please?

I was with a girl for 7 years we have two children together aged 3 & 4 and we split up last september when i realised i wasnt happy,my ex is a nice girl,really good looking and would do anything for me but i started to find her really irritating she has an attitude i dont like,can be extremely selfish and likes to spend most of her time either buying expensive clothes,shoes and make-up (she hasn't worked for 5 years,apparently she doesnt need to because i earn enough for both of us)! Anyway we split up and i left her the house,the car and set up a routine to see the kids and regular payments into her account for maintenance.

I tried to move on and made an effort to start going out with my friends more something i havent done for years and re-joined the gym etc. since we split i have seen my ex out on numerous occasions and everytime i end up going back and staying the night with her. yeah the sex is great and in the morning we talk about getting back together but after a few days i become irritated again and tell her it just not gonna happen. The thing is i enjoy single life too much now , i have always been quite insecure but over the past six months i have been getting lots of attention off women whilst on nights out ,in the gym and at work. I have recently met a girl in the gym who is everything i like she has a good career,is good looking,likes to have fun,doesn't take herself to serious and we have been out a few times and things are really great, she wants to start a relationship and i would go for it apart from the fact that my ex seems to have some kinda hold on me and i am scared that if i start a new relationship she will follow suit and i know i would be gutted if she found somebody else even though i dont want to be with her.

I dont know if its the fact of my kids being introduced to a new guy and the thought of him somehow taking my place?

should i just let go and see what happens?

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED

[noodles]

If you like this woman go out with her.

You know you have no rights over your ex anymore and the sooner you get on with things and allow your lives to change the better.

Its disrespectful to not want her to move on. You dont mind sleeping with her but you know you cant be with her anymore. You cant have it all ways.

She will always be in your life cause of your kids but come on, do her (and yourself) a favour, get your ego in check and get on with your life.


PS - if she still wants to be with you sleeping with her is extrememly cruel. She the mother of your kids and has given you the last 7 years of her life. Im not saying that you're going out of your way to hurt her and i appreciate you are very familiar to each other (hard to break) but treating her with dignity and repsect will serve to cement any future platonic relationship which in turn will be the most healthy option for your children.

[snappy120_2]

You split up with her, but don't want her to move on?
Get over it. I'm sorry but it happens, loads of people have gone through it, but don't make it hard for her. She'll just push you away.

It's gunna feel sh!t... and probably for a long time, but you've got to move on. You can't keep on playing her like this, or letting your kids see you come and go, they pick up on things.

x x x

[elainefr]

wake up move on and let her live her life how she wants , Your a big boy now you have 2 kids , just move on

[nevergrewup]

I think this is commonly known as wanting to have your cake and eat it.

And you call your g/f selfish and irritating.

How selfish is it to want to be able to do everything you want to do, but not allow others to have the life they want?

I know this will be hard, and is a very rare attitude these days, but try putting yourself, what you want and what you need - last.

[Babykitten]

i know the title sounds like i am selfish person but i'd like to think thats not the case. your thoughts/advice please?

I was with a girl for 7 years we have two children together aged 3 & 4 and we split up last september when i realised i wasnt happy,my ex is a nice girl,really good looking and would do anything for me but i started to find her really irritating she has an attitude i dont like,can be extremely selfish and likes to spend most of her time either buying expensive clothes,shoes and make-up (she hasn't worked for 5 years,apparently she doesnt need to because i earn enough for both of us)! Anyway we split up and i left her the house,the car and set up a routine to see the kids and regular payments into her account for maintenance.

I tried to move on and made an effort to start going out with my friends more something i havent done for years and re-joined the gym etc. since we split i have seen my ex out on numerous occasions and everytime i end up going back and staying the night with her. yeah the sex is great and in the morning we talk about getting back together but after a few days i become irritated again and tell her it just not gonna happen. The thing is i enjoy single life too much now , i have always been quite insecure but over the past six months i have been getting lots of attention off women whilst on nights out ,in the gym and at work. I have recently met a girl in the gym who is everything i like she has a good career,is good looking,likes to have fun,doesn't take herself to serious and we have been out a few times and things are really great, she wants to start a relationship and i would go for it apart from the fact that my ex seems to have some kinda hold on me and i am scared that if i start a new relationship she will follow suit and i know i would be gutted if she found somebody else even though i dont want to be with her.

I dont know if its the fact of my kids being introduced to a new guy and the thought of him somehow taking my place?

should i just let go and see what happens?

ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED

you should let her go. She might find someone really goodlooking too, perhaps someone famous or with a great job and a gorgeous car.

[Bouncy]

i know the title sounds like i am selfish person

That's because it's an accurate description.

[panty-man]

I have a child to a woman back home, once we split we had the good sense to move on with our own personal lives while always remaining in a position where we can communicate well in the interests of our son.

Now years have gone by and we are good friends who share a common interest: The raising of a happy healthy child, this is our first and foremost priority.

You will find this point impossible to achieve if you continue down the path you are taking. It sounds like you are both being a bit selfish and need to focus on what is most important, your children.

[jinjin]

Yes, you are selfish. You have not move on. This had makes you a bad risk to your ex and every woman you meet. It is time for you to stop using your insecurity as an excuse and let go so you may move on.

[Mrs.K]

That is extremely unfair to her. Are you saying that she should be alone for the rest of her life? If thats the case then you have no right goin out either. She has your kids so just right there alone could put a damper on her chances of meeting a guy. You don't have them all the time so while you are out trying to find a girl she is at home with your two children with no one for emotional support which is strongly needed when you are a mother. And another thing, if she still wants to be with you why do you continue to sleep with her? That will only give her the feeling that there is a chance and then you do go back just to leave after a couple days, not only is that hurting her but think about your children. If you truely want to try to make your relationship work you will talk to her and the two of you can set common grounds and get it all out on the table of what is bothering you. But if you don't see it happening that you need to let her move on and get over it. She is not your property and if you aren't going to be there to help her then let someone who is willing to be there for her and your kids take the job. I'm not saying give up your right as a father but it is important for young children to have to adults in there life (I know I grew up with 3 other siblings with a single mom and no dad in sight) and if you are only gonna be that other adult here and there and not 7 days a week then let someone else join in, he can help balance it out a little. She is not property, she is a human being, let her get on with her life, just because you will be miserable if she does doesn't mean that she should be for the rest of her life.

[Cambridge]

Well, my first instinct is that you didn’t try hard enuff to work it out with her. You’ve gotta start valuing the woman with whom you’ve had two children. And your reasons for going sound superficial—I mean, she likes clothes and shoes??? C’mon.

Secondly, tho, she is playing you like a banjo. You see her out with other guys. Do you know why? Cause she’s putting it right under your nose. And you’re rewarding her for it. You go home with her and have glorious sex and talk about getting back together.

You need to grow up. Stop blowing off women who are important to you and stop being played like a banjo.

If you’re absolutely certain that mother-of-your-children is not for you, put it behind you. Let her go and never look back. That’s for her sake as much as your sake. Go out with the girl in the gym and treat her nicely.

And the next time you have a relationship with a woman, treat it with a little more respect.

[WhiteTrash]

I agree with everything that has been said to you!